Most of us like to feel pretty good about our open-minded world today.  In fact, it’s a lot more open minded in ways than ever before, especially when it comes to relationships between loving couples.  Interracial relationships are no problem, gay couples are a part of the crowd, May-December relationships don’t cause a second glance. 

But what about romantic couples who live together for years without getting married?  Our social system seems to be set up to encourage those same loving couples to get married…or else. 

Marriage by and far is the preferred form of relationship according to the government.  In fact, our president George Bush has been introducing programs and legislation that work to ‘preserve the sanctity of marriage’.  There are programs encouraging young people to abstain from sex until marriage.  However, what if those same young people don’t wish to get married?

A person can easily get added to the health insurance of their spouse’s job.  Yet, if they weren’t married by law, the same person would have to seek out individual life insurance elsewhere. 

In several states, common law marriages have been dissolved with legislation.  They are saying that if you don’t go in and get the marriage certificate, you can’t get the same benefits that couples who did will get. 

Those who are loving couples living together with children may know that raising a child in a stable two parent home will result in a child that is happier and healthier.  But does that mean those couples have to be legally married?   

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For many the marriage bed is a sacred place shared between two people.  Some couples can even grow sentimental and deeply attached to their bed.  It is a place where they shared more than romantic love, but also sickness, health, poverty and abundance.

The marriage bed is indeed special, but eventually it gets old and worn out.  There are strange lumps and grooves where you’ve both slept for five, ten, twenty years or more.  Springs are broken, cotton stuffing is coming out and it no longer has that nice bounce to it. 

You’ve got to get a new marriage bed.  Yes, I know it’s hard to let go of the old one.  However, your spouse is experiencing some painful back problems from the lack of support and you’ve forgotten what a full night’s sleep means.  So, chuck out the old and bring in the new.

There are all kinds of beds that could get the honor of becoming your marriage bed.  You can look at water beds, sand beds, hammocks, memory foam mattresses and plain old spring mattresses.  Lucky you!  Yet, it can be hard to find just the right mattress to serve as your new marriage bed.  Here’s a few tips to keep in mind when looking:

• Test any and all beds you come across.  That means lying down on them.  Sleeping on them. Bouncing around on them.  All to make sure its comfortable for the both of you.

• Check with the person who is selling the bed to see if there is a warranty that comes with the mattress.  It’s too hard looking for a new marriage bed to have to do this again in just a few years.

• Sit down with your partner and find out what kind of bed he or she prefers.  There are all kinds and the two of you are bound to find a great compromise.

Last but certainly not least, make sure to measure the size of your room and any hallways or stairs you may have to cross to get that new marriage bed into your bedroom.

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Now here’s a case of marriage problems that couples counseling won’t cure.  A woman named Antoinette Walters Janda filed for an annulment of her marriage on Valentines this past year on grounds of a sexless marriage. 

We all have some marital problems and plenty of people complain that their marriages have gotten a bit cold.  However, this marriage started off cold, at least as far as Antoinette was concerned.  She claims that her husband, Jiri Janda, married her with no intention of honoring his marital obligations.  That is, engaging in sex with her. 

She goes even further to state that Jiri only convinced her to marry him so he could get his green card and become a US Citizen.  Jiri is a native of the Czech Republic.  The couple got married on June, 5th 2005, so this sexless marriage has been going on for awhile. 

They only had a couple months of courtship before marriage and Antoinette claims that Jiri never showed any sexual interest in her.  It does make me wonder, what interested her in marriage, if he was acting so uninterested.  He must have promised her something on their wedding night because she did marry Jiri.  Antoinette claims that Jiri still refused to share the marriage bed even after they got married. 

So she’s decided to get the marriage annulled after almost two years of a sexless marriage, claiming that they never had any kind of sexual relationship, even after she dropped up to 65 pounds to try and get his interest!

If the marriage is annulled, Jiri’s green card could be revoked and he could be sent back to his home country.

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It’s coming up on the holiday season.  Hopefully you’ll be thinking up some romantic gifts for her…or him.  Your partner may say that whatever you get them will be special, but they are really expecting you to be psychic.  As in, you psychically know what they want for the holidays.  You can almost always do well with your own personalized romantic gift baskets, even if you don’t have a clue what your partner wants for the holidays. 

Romantic gift baskets can include lots of goodies that will delight your partner’s senses.  Try putting together a gift basket focused on treating your loved one like royalty for the day.  This makes a particularly great romantic gift for her. 

Good romantic gift baskets can include treats for all five senses.  Here are a couple of ideas:

• Taste can be included in using wonderful sweets.  Include a box of designer chocolates and cappuccino mix for your loved one to nibble on. 
• Sight can consist of watching a wonderful movie.  Try throwing in your partner’s favorite movie or something a little more romantic for the two of you. 
• Sound is important for relaxation.  Get a CD of soothing nature sounds for your partner to listen to while relaxing.
• Smell comes in the form of aromatherapy.  Place a few incense sticks and an incense holder in the basket for your partner to light up.  You could also include a scented candle in a holiday scent like nutmeg or cinnamon. 
• Touch is the best sense of all to please.  Include a bottle of massage oil and a promise to give your partner a massage sometime.  Or you can include in the romantic gift baskets some more risqué gifts for this fifth sense.  For something less suggestive, you can simply include a jar of exfoliating sea salts or an exfoliating brush so your partner can refresh and renew their skin.

If you choose to make your romantic gift basket sexy in nature, you may wish to give it to your partner in private.  However, romantic gift baskets can satisfy all the senses with items appropriate for all ages and be given to your loved one in front of the rest of the family.

 

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When I was younger my mom used to tell me about the rows my grandparents had in their younger years.  People have this romantic notion that love and marriage is a fairy tale ending.  However, we are usually jolted from this ideal after that first real argument between each other. 

I don’t mean the small lover’s quarrels, but a really loud, angry, I-can’t-believe-I’m-here-right-now, argument.  It doesn’t matter what your arguing temperament is as a couple, you’ll both feel like this is the loud, angry big one, when it happens. 

You know what?  It’s okay to be angry with your partner in love and marriage. It’s okay to be annoyed, frustrated and even feel a little immature.  In fact, many therapists encourage couples to have an argument once and a while.  It lets off the steam, the pressure that builds up over a hundred pairs of dirty socks in the living room floor, dozens of forgetful moments, and many, many nagging comments. 

If you have never had an argument it could be a sign that both partners are ignoring the problems in your relationship.  You two could be tip toeing around lots of little elephants in the living room, which will add up to one big Elephant after a while. 

Lack of arguments can even cause couples to end up in couples therapy.  Over time that avoidance of an argument can encourage you to grow apart in your love and marriage.  If you aren’t spending enough time speaking up about what bothers you, then you could end up feeling resentful and misused.  Your partner can end up feeling the same or even frustrated by your distance and strange behavior. 

No one likes the really loud, angry, I-can’t-believe-I’m-here-right-now arguments, but they can be few and far between, as long as you take the time to have a smaller argument with your partner every now and then to let off a little steam.

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In this modern era of customized marriage vows it seems like the traditional promise to each other has gone the way of the Dodo bird.  Those of you, who aren’t familiar with the Dodo, should acquaint yourselves before it’s too late.  Oops, it already is…for the bird.

Being a modern woman, I say that you can get married anyway you want, in any costume and with any living, self-aware, understanding individual you like.  I’m just missing the demise of the traditional wedding vow.  Women got a glimpse of the romance involved in concocting your own marriage vows somewhere around the time that the new age movement started making its way into the average home with fun and funky coffee table books.

We started suggesting that making our own wedding vows would be a perfect and unique way to declare our love in marriage.  What we got were a bunch of guys sitting around in their boxers the day before the wedding trying to rime love with a family appropriate word for smoking, hot, horny, momma.

Traditional marriage vows were written by trained professionals.  Long ago, they sat back, analyzed and pored over the meaning of each little word, the weight of the sentences the attention spans of the attendees and more to create perfects little promises of life long or undying affection, depending on which religion you follow.

If you don’t want to have a rhyming marriage vow as part of your partner’s undying pledge of love and affection, but still insist on something customized, try modifying some of theses samples of wedding vow wording.  This way you’ll have some elegant and properly memorable marriage vows to consummate with that romantic kiss.

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Dear happy couples, if you are very good and consistent in your reading I’ll give you something very special.  Something that will serve you well in your later years and serve you in the present times.  It will provide you with happy, healthy memories to pull from the shelves of your mind dust off and gaze into for hours. 

This wonderful something worth reading each week, are the keys to happy couplehood.  These keys can come in the form of a few light jokes to ease the tension.  Or they can be a post on the tensions from family holidays.  I’ll do my best to bring you the best stories, advice and information about being a happy couple for the married couple and the newly dating.

New couples can face the problems of getting to know each other with familiar stories on this site about other happy couples who’ve gone through similar problems.  Those couples who’ve been together and married for longer than they could imagine will also find knowledge to support, stories to nurture and silly tales to laugh along with. 

There is a belief that love is eternal.  Though there are many kinds of love and the keys to being a happy couple involves loving each other on many levels and more than one way.  There is erotic love, familial love, obsessive love and so many other paths to your relationship.  As you move through the journey with each other I hope you’ll find a few extras keys to being a happy couple right here.

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There are many romantic ways to propose to your girlfriend.  I’m sure many of you have heard of the old classic, pop the question on a billboard routine.  Of course you have to make sure she’s looking at the billboard as you drive by, or when the message pops up otherwise you’ll have to do the whole thing all over again.  Not fun, especially when the special message cost you a lot of money. 

I heard about one of the more romantic ways to propose, at least for writers, from a friend.  She was a poet and her boyfriend at the time was a part-time writing student.  He took her out to a tasty picnic in the park and while there asked her to critique one of his science fiction stories.  As she read his story she came across the line ‘Will you marry me?� In fact, the question was so well hidden she didn’t even notice it at first and he had to point it out to her.  Ah, literary love.  Anyway they are now married and she has a great original story to tell about how he asked her to marry him.

There is a wide range of romantic ways to propose.  If you are having a hard time figuring something out then you should try and think about her hobbies or her career and use it as creative fodder.  Like the potential hubby in the story I just related, you too can use her hobbies and interests to create a romantic and unique wedding proposal.  Say she has a horse and goes in early every morning to muck out the stalls.  You could go in before her and tie the ring to the stall door with a small note asking her to marry you.  Then ‘hide’ until she shows up and sees the message. 

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I love good romantic quotes and marriage quotes so here are a bunch for you to use at your leisure.  Make up a special card for your honey.  Or write the quotes down in little notes and leave them all over the house for him or her to find.  It can be a great treasure hunt for the both of you.

There is not more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
 ~Martin Luther

But here’s the joy: my friend and I are one…
Then she loves but me alone!
~William Shakespeare

To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.
~Mark Twain

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind
~William Shakespeare

Those above are oh so romantic marriage quotes for your partner’s delight.  But there’s so much more!  Look below to find some great and very funny marriage quotes to present to your loved one or to give as part of a wedding toast.

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
~Henny Youngman

I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvellous. It must be very inexpensive.
~Johnny Carson

Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.
~Mae West

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

~Erma Bombeck

The Japanese have a word for it.  It’s Judo — the art of conquering by yielding.  The Western equivalent of judo is, ‘Yes, dear.’

~J. P. McEvoy

I hope you enjoyed these little snippets of marriage quotes.  There are lots more out there and all you have to do is look for some great little moments of inspiration.

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I once read a story about a man whom happened to be attending a conference and the speaker was very pro-women’s lib and very feminist.  During her speech she worked herself into a fervor over how a sexless marriage was nothing to be ashamed of, a woman shouldn’t feel obligated to ‘fix’ her menopause so she wouldn’t keep rejected her husband because sex suddenly hurt, and in fact maybe women shouldn’t even be messing with their hormonal cycles at all.  It is after all, part of the natural course of things.  

During the speech a woman in the audience hesitantly raised her hand, and drew it back down again.  She did this several times before she got up the nerve to stand and raise her arm up high.  When the speaker asked what comment the woman had concerning the topic, she went, “but I liked sex!�

I think every woman should be a feminist about her own personal values and beliefs about the way she wants to be treated by others.  Since every woman is different, we all tend to have different feelings about sex, too.  In general, modern medical view holds that sex should be a pleasurable experience.  If it’s not then something could be wrong medically or your partner isn’t doing it right.  Unless two people have gotten together for reasons other than love, such as a green card, sexless marriages tend to develop over time.  They can be the result of the aging process and menopause, especially if you ‘liked sex’ before and now you don’t because it’s uncomfortable. 

If menopause interferes with your enjoyment of sex, you should gather up the gumption to do something about it.  You may feel a little weird telling the doctor about your special marital problems, but he or she can help.  There are lots of tools in the medical arsenal to make sex enjoyable again and keep you from falling prey to the frustrations of a sexless marriage.

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