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One of my favorite holidays is Halloween.  You get to show your creativity, go out and have fun and even pretend to be someone else for a night.  What better way to add some romance and excitement to your life than to share it with your spouse.  Complimentary customes only add to the fun!  Here are some fun coordinating custumes you might want to start thinking about so that you’ll have a great way to spend this fun holiday together:  Salt and Pepper, Mustard and Ketchup, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, a pool table and pool cue, a cigarette and the Marlboro man, Barbie and Ken, the Flintstones, Shrek and Fiona, bowling pin and ball, a hammer and a nail or a pen and a pencil.  So go ahead, pick that perfect costume and go out and have some fun with your spouse!

Marriage and Romance | No Comments »

My husband travels a lot for work, so we need to find more creative ways to say “I Love You” than just saying it to each other every morning — and, as they say, actions do speak louder than words.  I like to leave love notes in his luggage after he’s packed.  He likes to surpise me before he leaves by leaving special gifts in the car for me to find when I take the kids to school or need to run a quick errand to the store.  He recently started a new business “on-the-side” and I’ve been helping him plan and organize, so I surprised him with a pocket organizer so he can keep track of his appointments. He’s great about it too.  In fact, just yesterday, he left work early to go to the bookstore to pick up a new book that I’ve been wanting to read.  They didn’t have it in stock but the thought and effort mean so much more than the book ever would have.  Now, he’s gone again for another business trip.  I’m thinking about how to surprise him when he gets home and am thinking that I’ll have the kids color a picture for him and hang it up on the wall for him to see when he walks in the door. 

The best part about showing someone you love them instead of just always telling them is that you don’t have to spend money to do it.  I hate cleaning the bathrooms, so my husband does it every week.  He doesn’t like doing laundary, so I wash, fold and put away his clothes.  I work from home and the majority of my work time is in the evenings after dinner.  He knows that things can get hectic, so he cleans the kitchen every night after dinner without a second thought.  It’s all about give and take and doing what you know will help your partner have a better day, week, life. 

Love and Marriage | No Comments »

Are you speaking your spouse’s love language?  Does this sound as foreign to you as French?

A great book on how to show love to your partner is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Here’s a list of the five love languages and a summary of what they are:  *Words of Affirmation: Using uplifting words.  *Quality Time: Spending meaningful time with them.  *Receiving Gifts: A well thought out gift can speak volumes.  *Acts of Service: Doing chores or other things for that special someone.  *Physical Touch: Caresses, hugs, other loving touches.  (This is not limited to sex.)

Each person interprets love differently and may not read love in the same ways their partner does.  This is why it’s vitally important for couples to realize what speaks love to their partner and practice those, rather than merely doing the things that would speak love to themselves personally.

Even if you don’t read the book, take the time to ask your spouse what says love to them and challenge yourself to perform such a task for them every day for a week.  It could totally transform your relationship.

As for us?  My language is gifts.  My spouse’s is acts of service.  The main language is love.

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It is inevitable that there are times when you may feel as though you and your husband may not love each other as much as you used to or times when you overwhelm each other.  There are a few ideas that you can use to keep your fires glowing although you feel as though you are only simmering.  Typical situations that tend to have a negative effect on happy marriages include stress, fighting, and change.  Here are a few tips to help eliminate some of these typical marriage problems.

1. Let Each Other Take the Floor: You know your spouse better than anyone and you often know what they are about to say before they say it.  It is common for people who have been married awhile to interrupt each other because you already know what they are about to say.  The fact of the matter is that nobody likes to be interrupted and the next time you feel that you are interrupting each other and not listening to each other grab the “conch.”  Grab anything that will represent who has the floor and give it to each other when it is your turn to talk.  It may turn out that they are not going to say what you thought in the first place.

 2. Eliminate Clutter:  Stress and tension in a relationship can be caused by having too much stuff.  Stress and tension are created by clutter that is located throughout your house.  This is an exceptionally stressful situation when you are a person who is compulsive about cleanliness. Have a garage sale and eliminate all of your unnecessary clutter.  Also, buy two baskets for you and your spouse to put their knick-knacks, mail, etc.  Take time on the weekends to clean them out together.

3.  Change Your View on Change:  You are always going to want to change something about your spouse and they will always want to change something about you.  It is best to just accept that fact.  To make it easier to accept that they can’t change everything about themselves make yourself a list of what bothers you and note how you can change your reaction to those actions.

4. Tools For Romance: Find a box or drawer and decorate the inside of it with pictures, massage oils, etc.  These are your romantic supplies that you can pull out whenever the mood for romance strikes.

5.  Remember Your Love:  Place pictures of your spouse wherever you spend most of your time.  Place them throughout your home, office or car.  You will then have pictures to remind you of your love throughout the day. 

Love and Marriage, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | No Comments »

Most people don’t anticipate it, but when baby makes three, many couples undergo many marital problems.  Whether you have differing parenting styles or don’t know how to make “couple” time balance with “baby” time and “me” time, there are many new dynamics that need to be incorporated into the mix.

We don’t live near family, so finding a sitter isn’t always easy, plus it really adds to the expense of an evening out…  We soon found ourselves eating out as a family at 5pm so that we could be home in time for the kids to go to bed and spent the whole meal trying to keep the kids in check.  We also used to really enjoy going to movies but found ourselves doing it less and less. 

“Me” time is even more difficult to navigate.  First of all, it seemed like my husband always had more “free” time because he works outside of the home and has the freedom to stop off and do things before, during and after the work day where for me it always needs to be worked around the kids’ schedules.  Besides, stopping to get a cappuccino through the drive thru while explaining to the kids why they can’t have any isn’t the same as stopping at the bookstore and browsing some magazines while thoroughly enjoying a cup.

We’ve found ways to work through it, however.  Here are some of the things we do to help balance our time.

1. We have a “date” at least once a month.  If we cannot find a local sitter, we make an effort to go visit family who can watch the kids while we have a night out.

2. We put the kids to bed early on one night a week (for us it’s Wednesdays) and we spend the evening together.  No work, no hobbies, just quality “us” time.

3. We consciously try to let each other have some ”time off” from the kids. 

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Mexico offers some great romantic getaways for a week or weekend.  Most airlines are flying to Mexico at more reasonable rates and this allows people to be able to afford to take short and quick vacations.  Sometimes, you just need to get away and Mexico offers some great destinations for just that. 

Cancun not only offers a great party life, but there are many beautiful hotels and resorts.  These resorts are on the beautiful beaches of Cancun and have awesome facilities.  You can hang out in your beautiful hotel room or by the pool in the hot Mexican sun.  There are many water sports and activities available such as swimming with dolphins and sailing.  The nightlife is great with bars and clubs that stay open until dawn.  A partying couple is sure to have fun in Cancun. 

Puerto Vallarta offers an old-world Mexican charm.  Lush and tropical jungles surround Puerto Vallarta. The architecture is beautiful and features white colonial buildings with cobblestone streets.  The sunsets are heart stopping and you will want to linger for days on the golden beaches.  There is also a great nightlife, but Puerto Vallarta is the spot to be if you just want to spend a beautiful weekend together. 

Cancun and Puerto Vallarta are also hot honeymoon destinations if you never had the chance to take that special honeymoon or you are looking to recreate the moment.  These cities will let you feel as though you are dating again and will definitely be a great way to get away from life and work. 

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Want to jazz up your sex life?  Explore the joys of grooming each other.  Everyone at some juncture enjoys a nice shower together, but why not take it another step?

When showering together, soap each other instead of yourself.  Wash your love’s hair, making sure to massage their scalp and getting in a little neck nuzzling in the process.  Enjoy the sensations of water and cleansing gels slicking along both your bodies.

Shower not your thing?  Try a mutual bubble bath, taking turns washing each other.  Give back massages while backs are soapy.

Better still, for the ultimate in seduction, make the grooming one way.  Run a bath or shower and perform all the cleansing for your partner.  Once out of the water, brush out her hair, towel the body off, massage his back, rub lotion into the skin.

For a little added mood, toss in some candles, bath salts, flower petals, a glass of wine, or incense.

Nothing says sexy like a nude, freshly cleaned body.  Explore one today.

Love and Marriage, Marriage and Sex, Marriage and Romance | No Comments »

The wedding was beautiful and the honeymoon was even better.  Now that you’re home and settled into your new place together, things seem to be a rocky.  When we first got married, I realized that my husband liked to read in bed everynight.  The problem was that he also like to have ice water and chew on the ice — one of my biggest pet peeves.  He soon realized that I didn’t rinse out my drinking glasses before putting them in the dishwasher and they often didn’t get clean.  I also couldn’t understand why he could set his soda cans right next to the recycle box, but never, ever put them in there.

Annoying habits abound when you start living with someone and it seems like right after a wedding they seem to be worse because you start realizing you’ve made a vow to live with “this” for the rest of your life.

Being open and honest is the best way to nip them in the bud before either of you get overly frustrated.  For example, my husband now waits until I’m asleep before he starts eating his ice cubes.  It may not be the best situation for him because it means that sometimes he’s up later than he wants to be, but in all honesty, that’s better than having an annoyed wife!  Since my husband does the dishes most nights, I make an effort to rinse out my glasses before putting them in the dishwasher — it’s only fair since I don’t have to listen to him chomp on his ice every night.

The most important thing to remember is that your spouse is human.  He or she did not just step out of a fairy tale or a fantasy and they will have annoying habits.  Everyone does, even you.  The thing to do is to realize how you would feel if someone did something that annoyed you on a daily basis — if you both go in with this attitude, you’ll both be respecting each other’s feelings and make living together much more fun!

Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | No Comments »

Every sexually active individual has some sort of fantasy that they would like to live out with their husband or wife.  It may be something as simple as dressing up as a school girl or something elaborate that employs props or more than one person.  Some fantasies are best kept secret if you feel that you would be disappointed if your spouse was not interested or if you feel that it would hurt them in someway.  You don’t want your fantasies to make your partner feel as though they do not satisfy you.  Most fantasies, however, can spice up your sex life by using your imagination together.  

The brain is often neglected as a sexual organ, but your brain is often able to come up with some great ideas to help you out.  Millions of people have used fantasies in their sex life and most use them in masturbation.  So why not come up with some fantasies with your partner and have some fun in bed? 

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The strangest thing happened this week.  My sweetheart snuck home during lunch to come see me.  In the ten minute tryst, I had the most delicious fun I’d had in a while.

Sometimes a relationship can use a little spice and spontaneity.  Check that, most of the time it can benefit from it.  Sure, stability and familiarity is good stuff and grounds you, but every so often you need to inject a little fun.  Fun: that stuff you used to do as a kid.

So, I present a few suggestions for adding some spontaneity to your relationship:

-Go out to dinner without plans, figuring out how much you can afford, or what’s cheapest on the menu

-Get in the car and drive.  Find a nice hotel.  Stay all night.  Order room service and nibble between lovemaking sessions.

-Ladies, buy lingerie that’s nothing like what you have in the drawer.  Wear it under your clothes, strip when your honey gets home.

-Guys, stop on the way home from work and buy her flowers.

-Drive home for lunch and only have dessert.

If variety is the spice of life, spontaneity is the spice of romance.  Add liberally to your romance diet on a daily basis.

Love and Marriage, Marriage and Romance | No Comments »