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Relationships are a big part of what makes us who we are. We use our interpersonal relationships to define our respective roles. The main problem with this arrangement is that we are taught as children to seek approval and validation for our behavior. Then, as we grow into adults, we still tend to seek approval, only now as an adult we call it appreciation. I know, at least from my perspective, when I get the feeling that I’m not appreciated, I feel as if I, as an individual, no longer matters and my role and place in the relationship is no longer validated. I feel lonely and disconnected.
These feelings are not uncommon. The sense of disconnect and under-appreciation is a major player in the high relationship/marriage break up rate. In order to have healthy adult relationships, it is important to recognize where the defining lines of our roles are drawn and how we can validate not only ourselves and our performance, but the roles and performance of those with whom we are connected. By recognizing the roles and showing appreciation for those whose lives are intertwined with our own, we give freely of ourselves and open ourselves up to receive back the same.
Take time to notice what people do for you and give them positive feedback and your appreciation. Don’t expect anyone instantly recognize what you have done and do the same for you. Remember, you are the enlightened one in this situation. They still have to be made to see what you now know. Then, as they gain the insight you already possess, watch how with your guidance (and perhaps a bit of manipulation) they can begin to develop an awareness of the new more defined roles of the relationship. Then, and only then can the relationship evolve into a more mature, healthier one for both parties. And to think, in order to save that otherwise awesome relationship all it takes is someone to realize that recognition of roles and appreciation of effort is a positive step toward a better connection Surely, that doesn’t sound too hard does it?