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I just finished talking to a friend who is engaged and soon to be married. Only that may be on an indefinite halt. Possibly permanent.
They’ve hit one of the two major differences of opinion that a marriage (or potential marriage) can face that is not likely to be solved by commitment and determination to make it work alone. They’re at the crisis of faith.
They have opposing views on their faith. Neither feels its right to compromise their values and mores. Sadly, this is one of those instances that no amount of counseling or dedication can resolve. There’s another one too. When one person in the couple wants children and the other unequivocally does not.
While I always press couples to stick things out to the very end, recognizing that you and your spouse (or intended) do not share common ground on either of these issues is something best discovered and discussed early. Dancing around either issue or swearing to think about it later will only lead to misery and heartache for one or both parties.
Do yourselves a favor. Have a good sit down and see where you both stand on the issues of children and faith. If you’re not only not in the same ballpark, but are playing totally different games, it may be time to consider the feasibility of the match. It’s possible to move past these, but it’s a long hard road, best addressed before “I do.�
I’m saddened for my friend. But I’m relieved that they’ve made this discovery before they’d gotten to the altar. They stand to be happier for it in the long run.