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Most people don’t anticipate it, but when baby makes three, many couples undergo many marital problems. Whether you have differing parenting styles or don’t know how to make “couple” time balance with “baby” time and “me” time, there are many new dynamics that need to be incorporated into the mix.
We don’t live near family, so finding a sitter isn’t always easy, plus it really adds to the expense of an evening out… We soon found ourselves eating out as a family at 5pm so that we could be home in time for the kids to go to bed and spent the whole meal trying to keep the kids in check. We also used to really enjoy going to movies but found ourselves doing it less and less.
“Me” time is even more difficult to navigate. First of all, it seemed like my husband always had more “free” time because he works outside of the home and has the freedom to stop off and do things before, during and after the work day where for me it always needs to be worked around the kids’ schedules. Besides, stopping to get a cappuccino through the drive thru while explaining to the kids why they can’t have any isn’t the same as stopping at the bookstore and browsing some magazines while thoroughly enjoying a cup.
We’ve found ways to work through it, however. Here are some of the things we do to help balance our time.
1. We have a “date” at least once a month. If we cannot find a local sitter, we make an effort to go visit family who can watch the kids while we have a night out.
2. We put the kids to bed early on one night a week (for us it’s Wednesdays) and we spend the evening together. No work, no hobbies, just quality “us” time.
3. We consciously try to let each other have some ”time off” from the kids.